Just Practicing

This is a classic, funny kid story that I will remember forever. It will be perfect for some later humiliation at her bridal shower years down the road...This past summer my 8 and 9 year old got a little early "sex education" from a neighborhood friend. They were told that a woman gets pregnant by having a man pee inside her vagina with his penis. While not altogether true, it is roughly the right idea, wrong consistency. My husband and I thought we might as well get out all the right terminology and give them the basics of sex and how pregnancy begins. Before this when my eldest daughter had asked how her first grade teacher got pregnant, I had simply told both of the girls that when a man and woman are married, they love each other in a special way that makes a baby. This completely satisfied her 6 year old intellect and I was so relieved. Well, that explanation no longer sufficed...especially the married bit that I'd thrown in for good moral measure.

So this summer, after discussing the basics, my nine year old was aghast at the very idea and apologized for my "having to do that twice, YUCK!" To which my altogether too honest husband replied, "No, honey adults have sex because they enjoy it". To use a Grey's Anatomy vernacular .... SERIOUSLY?! Did he actually say that?! How many shades of red are there on the colorwheel?! After I retrieved my jaw from the floor, rolled my eyes back into my head and turned back from crimson to a more pleasant pale pink while vowing secretly in my head to cut my husband's "baby maker" off later, I told her it really was more information than was needed right now and I'd have to talk to Daddy about boundries later. My 8 year old gave us a funny look but said little. That night during quiet reading time my confused youngest said to me "You told me that when a husband and wife love each other in a special way , they have a baby". I said yes, honey that was the answer to your sister's"where do babies come from" question when you were both younger and curious about a pregnant teacher. Now you just have more specific information. "Oh, OK," she said. "But mommy, I still don't get it. If you do what you said with Daddy, you have a baby right?" " Well, not every time," I replied. "So you did it more than twice?" she asked politely. "Yes," I said. "Oh"...she considered for a few more moments and said,"so it's kind of like practice. You practice something you like to do. So you and Daddy practiced alot so you could get good and make me and my sister". Good Lord would the inquisition never end? But I must say I liked this line of thinking so because I was at a loss for words, I just nodded and she seemed satisfied.

So school begins, everything is going very well. Both my children's teachers have weddings scheduled for October and the kids are very into the excitement and romance of it all. One day I saw one of the PTO moms in the fitness club. My youngest daughter and her son have the same teacher and she tells me that when she was at school the day before she noticed that our kids' teacher had "popped". You know, the pregnancy pop. I wondered how my daughter would process that information given our summer discussion. I found out when she got off the bus. With no qualms whatsoever she opens the door and announces,"Mommy I think my teacher decided to do some practicing before her wedding." Then she ran off to play....it took every ounce of control I had to refrain from laughing out loud until she left the room.

A Piece of Heaven on Earth

Whew! It seems like forever since my last post and so much has happened, I'm not sure where to begin. I am just getting used to working at the fitness club, rushing home to get the kids off the bus, do homework, get dinner, clean up dinner, do laundry, clean, read and snuggle with the kids before collapsing in front of the "boob tube" for some mindless entertainment before sliding upstairs to sleep. To all of you working Moms out there- hats off to you. I feel like I'm running in quicksand. I'm behind on so many projects and my blogging has come to a standstill but I'll figure it all out eventually (I hope). OK to begin at the new job that is truly Heaven On Earth. I've already posted about being in the kids' room and my target rich boob environment. I also get to work at the front desk checking people in and answering the phone. I LOVE IT! Being surrounded by a smorgasbaord of eye candy all day, sweating and lifting weights. Honey, the delectable bits that walk through the door....yummy! I have 3 or 4 favorites. One is so young we'll just name him The Appetizer- and no, he is not so young as to be jailbate for you gutterminds out there. I looked him up just to be sure and he is a perfectly legal 20 year old. Moving on to The Soup and Salad, he is hot like soup and has lots of sweet parts I'd like to crunch like a very good salad. A salad that I can linger over and chew and chew...and then there is The Main Course, perfectly suited for savoring. This guy is a respectable 29, nicely proportioned with rounded shoulders, firm ass and strong legs and though (sigh) I've never seen him shirtless, I'm sure, given his routine of abs work, you could flip coins off his stomach. Add to that his perfect, straight, white teeth and twinkling blue eyes- wow! I would love to taste every delightful inch. But let us not forget Dessert- a sweet caramel, chocolate concoction (yes, I really had to use that word...stressing that marvelous, middle syllable) who has not just a great body but a beautiful face with enormous , brown eyes. I relish rolling his name around on my tongue and I think he knows quite well that I favor him. He always has a sort of embarassed smile when I say his name. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the drool that escapes from the corners of my mouth. So you see I have a 4 course meal that I get to devour daily so my job is truly a piece of Heaven on Earth.