Gravity Has Taken My Body, Age Is Taking My Mind

If you read the previous blog, you have recognized me as a person who either doesn't listen well or multi-task well. It is perhaps a bit of both. It may also be that as I age, I'm slowly losing my mind. If you think that mistaking Fandango, the website for an actual movie is funny about a year ago, I pulled an all-time classic (yeah, as bad as the Infamous Naughty Email).

I was just really getting ensconced with the PTO moms and decided to attend a Southern Living party with this new, fun crowd of potential gal pals. I was in a rush and running a bit late and flew in at the last minute just before the sales pitch. Whew! After a few cocktails and lots of chatter and some shopping, it was time to find my keys and go. I was one of the last to leave. I'm not a purse kind of gal and usually just carry my keys or wear them on my wrist on my "key bracelet". I bought said bracelet to attach to my keys to alleviate my tendency to misplace them. I checked my wrist, no keys. I looked at the table where I'd set my last cocktail- no luck there either. I eyed the buffet table and the counter where I'd laid my checkbook. I checked in the bathroom. By this time, the hostess and party-giver had commenced helping me with my search until the dreaded moment when I realized I had probably left them locked in my car...again. Upon walking outside, I heard the annoying music of High School Musical loudly playing from a nearby car. The music was not moving as the car passed. The music was stationary and blaring from MY car. Yeah, uh huh...not only had I left my keys in the car but I had left the car RUNNING with my kids favorite CD BLARING. Gravity has taken my body and age is taking my mind...

The Infamous Naughty Email

On the same night that my friends and I had the very serious discussion about men's chest hair (see previous blog), I learned some other vitally important information. It may seem like common sense to some of you. One should ALWAYS check to see what addresses are in the "to" section of your email if you are sending them to a group of people. I learned this lesson the hard way (ha!)....by inadvertently sending a funny but naughty post to a very inappropriate someone.

You see (are you still staring?!), I received this fascinating advertisement for Viagra (from a Brownie mom, no less) ..and had to send it on to my PTO buddies because I so love to get a rise out of them (every pun intended!) There are a few in particular that I relish shocking...one being the wife of our school's principal. Well, on the night of the Mama Mia! extravaganza, I walked into the movie theatre and one of the PTO presidents emeritus (yeah, I hang out with the heavy hitters...there were no less than 3 PTO presidents past and present in our gathering) says," I had no idea that you had such a "special relationship" with our Principal". Of course, I looked at her in bewilderment, not knowing what you have now guessed was my blunder. She laughed and said, "The Viagra ad that you sent to him...." Holy Shit- nearly peed my pants when I realized that I had accidentally clicked the principal and not his wife when adding "insert addresses" from my email address book. Alphabetically they are listed together and of course, I hadn't looked carefully....and I'd sent it to his school address! Yeah, I'm THAT friend- the one who talks about sex alot. The good news is that I immediately called my friend, his wife and alerted her to my error ..of course, I had trouble hearing her on the cell phone because of all the laughter in the background....She assured me that he would delete it upon entering school without ever viewing it which I believe because he's VERY conservative and too nice to want to embarrass me. Thank goodness someone was paying attention! I cannot fathom his reaction had he opened it. So let my error be a lesson to all of you out there in cyberspace- check carefully to whom you send your silly and salacious emails to....because honey, though it ended well, my mistake will be a topic of discussion for a LONG time. I've already gotten suggestions that I need to take an email etiquette class. Said comment came at the school's ice cream social from a husband of one of the Mama Mia! attendees....he was so very delighted to needle me about it! I will forever be the sender of The Infamous Naughty Email!

Men's Chests: Bare vs. Hair

I recently went to see Mama Mia! with a bunch of my friends from PTO. First of all, ladies if you haven't seen it, go. It is very entertaining. It is especially so if you go with a few people who have seen the stage play and know the musical well enough to sing some of the songs out loud with you. It is DOUBLY entertaining if you go with anyone with a musical ear who can laugh out loud when Pierce Bronson begins to sing. The effort of his face and his body language as he tries to belt out "SOS" and his off-key love song at the end (why oh, why do you ADD a song for a non-singer?! I still cannot believe that when editing this movie, they didn't cringe when they heard him. I cannot believe the "aha!" moment didn't hit them over the head. You know the one. Aha! Pierce can't carry a damn tune. Let's get a good singer to do a voice over... sorry, digressing). It was laughable and we had a good chuckle. We also had an eewww! moment (or some of us did) and lots of yummmmmmy moments which was caused by the men in the movie which brought up the later discussion at the bar about men's chests:bare vs. hair.

If you are into Pierce Bronson when he takes off his shirt then you are definitely a chest hair advocate (or more precisely a chest carpet..)- that was MY eww! moment. I don't mind some chest hair. Indeed, my own husband has just the right patch. It's noticeable but soft and fine and decidedly masculine without reminding me of our pre-human link.....Pierce had me thinking of Planet of the Apes. On the other hand, the dancing boys in the movie were all perfectly hairless with rock hard butts and abs....soooo much delicious eye candy and another good reason to treat yourself to this feast for ogling... I needed a shot of tequila and a cold shower after one particular choral number....again, digressing. The lack of chest hair was titillating and went well with the abs and other finery (and I do mean FINEry) but it made me think of boys not men.

So, the ladies and I were discussing chest hair: bare vs hair preferences and were overheard by 2 twenty-something boys who were obviously hard up for female company and decided to join us because "we were so interesting". OK, I was so feeling my age at being referred to as "interesting" instead of "hot" but honestly, have never been a "smoke hot honey" so I couldn't be truly offended. Regardless, "interesting" got us a free round of drinks from the 20 somethings which, for a bunch of PTO moms, wasn't too bad. Indeed, I went home immediately to tell my husband about the 2 young babes that bought us drinks....I omitted the "interesting" part.... He didn't seem impressed. Anyway, both boys went on to tell us that the bare chest thing was "all the rage" and that very few teenage and twenty somethings would be caught dead in a locker room with any hair on their chest....some were even going so far as to have hair waxed off the other lower areas. Sexy or creepy? You decide. I can't say I'd mind it coming off the twins underneath but altogether...creepy for me. Besides which, isn't that trail of hair from a man's belly button to his trousers that disappears into the forbidden forest soooo sexy?! What a shame to rip it off! The discussion made for an interesting evening full of laughs and I doubt any of the PTO ladies will ever look at chest hair quite the same again. I, myself cannot open a magazine that features a topless man and not think of bare vs. hair!