Just Practicing

This is a classic, funny kid story that I will remember forever. It will be perfect for some later humiliation at her bridal shower years down the road...This past summer my 8 and 9 year old got a little early "sex education" from a neighborhood friend. They were told that a woman gets pregnant by having a man pee inside her vagina with his penis. While not altogether true, it is roughly the right idea, wrong consistency. My husband and I thought we might as well get out all the right terminology and give them the basics of sex and how pregnancy begins. Before this when my eldest daughter had asked how her first grade teacher got pregnant, I had simply told both of the girls that when a man and woman are married, they love each other in a special way that makes a baby. This completely satisfied her 6 year old intellect and I was so relieved. Well, that explanation no longer sufficed...especially the married bit that I'd thrown in for good moral measure.

So this summer, after discussing the basics, my nine year old was aghast at the very idea and apologized for my "having to do that twice, YUCK!" To which my altogether too honest husband replied, "No, honey adults have sex because they enjoy it". To use a Grey's Anatomy vernacular .... SERIOUSLY?! Did he actually say that?! How many shades of red are there on the colorwheel?! After I retrieved my jaw from the floor, rolled my eyes back into my head and turned back from crimson to a more pleasant pale pink while vowing secretly in my head to cut my husband's "baby maker" off later, I told her it really was more information than was needed right now and I'd have to talk to Daddy about boundries later. My 8 year old gave us a funny look but said little. That night during quiet reading time my confused youngest said to me "You told me that when a husband and wife love each other in a special way , they have a baby". I said yes, honey that was the answer to your sister's"where do babies come from" question when you were both younger and curious about a pregnant teacher. Now you just have more specific information. "Oh, OK," she said. "But mommy, I still don't get it. If you do what you said with Daddy, you have a baby right?" " Well, not every time," I replied. "So you did it more than twice?" she asked politely. "Yes," I said. "Oh"...she considered for a few more moments and said,"so it's kind of like practice. You practice something you like to do. So you and Daddy practiced alot so you could get good and make me and my sister". Good Lord would the inquisition never end? But I must say I liked this line of thinking so because I was at a loss for words, I just nodded and she seemed satisfied.

So school begins, everything is going very well. Both my children's teachers have weddings scheduled for October and the kids are very into the excitement and romance of it all. One day I saw one of the PTO moms in the fitness club. My youngest daughter and her son have the same teacher and she tells me that when she was at school the day before she noticed that our kids' teacher had "popped". You know, the pregnancy pop. I wondered how my daughter would process that information given our summer discussion. I found out when she got off the bus. With no qualms whatsoever she opens the door and announces,"Mommy I think my teacher decided to do some practicing before her wedding." Then she ran off to play....it took every ounce of control I had to refrain from laughing out loud until she left the room.