FORTY SOMETHING...AKA GRAVITY SUCKS

I never really worried about getting older. I rather relished the idea of the profound wisdom I was told I'd receive as I aged. Turning thirty bothered me not at all. My 20s had worn me out. My 30s became my "growing up" years. The years in which I had children and recognized (finally) my parents' worth and utter insanity. They raised 4 daughters. My sisters and I were 6 years apart from start to finish- truly utter lunacy. I actually thought that 40 wouldn't bother me too much because someone had pointed out that 40 is the new 30..(can we say denial?!). Honestly, 40 in and of itself didn't bother me. It was saying the next milestone....whew! Now that didn't sound so good. Forty wasn't bothersome until I started to notice what age was doing to me physically. My body seemed to be dragging. And I'm not just talking about energy because, OK, that wasn't what it used to be either, but no, I'm talking about BODY parts quite literally dragging me down. Because when you get right down to it...GRAVITY SUCKS!

When I was younger my ample 34C breasts were a source of envy. All the small B and A women were terribly jealous of my round and perky breasts, perfectly centered in the middle of my chest. Twenty years later, two breastfed children and a full size larger...well, let's just say that envy has been replaced by pity. In fact, I am left wondering when the day will arrive that a belt will be a better means of support than my under wire, over the shoulder "boulder holder". And let's not forget those shoulders and the definable crease that said bra has permanently left in my flesh. Also, as my breasts start their inevitable slide downward, there is a flap of skin (I call it "flabula") that hangs between your bra strap and armpit. Where on earth did THAT come from?!

Gravity though is an equal opportunity source of demoralization. My derriere has not only dropped ever closer to my knees but the fat has congealed at the bottom of my backside turning it from round to decidedly pear shaped. Then you add the cottage cheese stippled there ...not appetizing or edible in the least!

And how about those lovely arms? Or should I say flaps? What used to be triceps have now become wings that threaten to send me flying every time I give a spirited wave. Let's not stop there. Let's talk about the biggest organ of all....your skin. It's like that medical alert bracelet ad. You remember the one (if your old enough) where the woman has fallen from her walker and shouts into her speaker phone, "I've fallen and I can't get up"...That's my skin. It has fallen and it can't get up. The skin over my knees has got an old lady crinkle that no amount of body lotion or muscle tone can remedy. The skin on my face threatens to make my eyes permanently puppy-doggish as they droop ever downward and I'm sure jowls are not far behind. And my neck! my neck would make a Thanksgiving turkey envious. So from top to bottom (literally) and below...face, neck, breasts, butt to knees that are now past forty....GRAVITY SUCKS!